Sensual Phoenix

How do you feel about lineups?

Although the majority of parties at Sheri’s tend to begin with a conversation either online or in the bar, we do get regular requests for lineups.

For those of you who may not know, a formal “lineup” is an option for someone who is ready to begin a party right away and wants to see all the ladies currently available. The gentleman (or couple, or woman) sits on the couch in the parlor and all the available girls stand in a line before him. One by one, they walk toward the couch, say their name, and walk back to the line. The gentleman then picks the lady he wants, and she takes him back to her room.

If I’m completely honest, lineup parties don’t always produce the best experiences for my taste. Not that I don’t enjoy being picked – it’s always thrilling to be the one picked out of a long line of beautiful ladies. Sometimes the encounters that begin this way are easier and more straightforward, but more often than not, they tend to lack the deeper connection I prefer to have with my clients.

Do I feel it’s an outdated practice? No. Demeaning? No. Lineups have their place.

Sometimes you just want a certain look that appeals to you, but you can’t quite put your finger on what that is until you see the whole range. You want to know all your choices and pick the one that gives you the best spark. Sometimes you just don’t care about personality enough to spend time in the bar interviewing. There’s nothing wrong with that!

No, I have no problem with someone who just wants to have sex with the hottest chick money can buy. Good thing, since I work in a brothel where it’s safe and legal to do so.

What is your number one asset when it comes to dating and sex? Why is it an asset?

I gave this question to a wonderful young man who came to see me for his first sex experience. My intention was to get him thinking about the positive aspects about himself, which would help him to build confidence with women, dating, and sex. Clever young fellow that he is, he turned the question back on me, leaving me somewhat at a loss for words.

I had to think about it a little, but I think my best asset is empathy. I generally have an ability and willingness to sense and feel what someone else is feeling. It’s that chameleon thing.

Someone came in recently who had just ended a long-term relationship. He said his meeting with me was part of his journey for emotional cleansing. He had tears welling up in his eyes as he told me this, and I sat with him as he talked about his now ex-girlfriend. I cried with him. We navigated our way through some emotion, and I think we both came out of it a little lighter.

When it comes to sex, it’s important to be aware of what the person you’re with is feeling. Developing an instinct for empathy and an acceptance of whatever emotion is there (not necessarily trying to change it – just accepting it) can help any kind of relationship. Especially a sexual one.

Coming back to the question, I highly recommend spending some time thinking about your positive qualities. Really, we should all know the answer to this question. So what’s your biggest asset?

You mentioned you’ve taught yourself to squirt. How can I learn to do that?

Female ejaculation. Some women do it naturally, some women have never done it, and some of us have taught ourselves how to squirt our juices on command.

Speaking from experience, it is possible for some women to learn how to ejaculate. It requires stimulation of the g-spot for a period of time to get the fluid built up, and then that you’re relaxed enough to let it out. The latter takes practice because the feeling is similar to urinating, which we have been automatically controlling since toddlerhood. Hopefully.

First, you have to know your g-spot. Yes, it exists, and all women have one. Put your finger in, palm up, and make a “come hither” motion. You’ll feel a spot that is a little bumpy and rougher than the rest of the vaginal wall. This is the g-spot. No, it’s not buried deep inside as all the penile enhancement companies would have everyone believe. (Side-note: not all women are comfortable with g-spot stimulation, and for some it can actually hurt.)

It helps to practice by yourself at first. I recommend peeing beforehand so you’re sure what’s coming out isn’t urine. A good g-spot stimulator or a dildo with a thick lip can help. Use a toy to on the g-spot for a while. Then try pushing the fluid out. Learn what that feels like first, then try doing it at the same time as an orgasm. I find it helps to take the dildo out just before. Once you can do it at the same time as an orgasm by yourself (and oooh, that’s a nice feeling!), try it with your partner.

For more information, read Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl.

Good luck!

Even though I enjoy sex with women, hot and sexy ladies are commonplace in my world. It’s a rare thing when someone I work with catches my attention, but it happens occasionally.

The first time was in a strip club I worked at when I first moved away from home. She had long shiny black hair, olive skin, and had a perfectly feminine body (not too skinny like most of the girls working there). It was more than her body – it was the way she moved. I had been stripping for over a year and this was the first time I’d seen someone dance on a pole with such grace and sensuality.

I was mesmerized, and tried to hide it by sitting in the back where nobody would see me. She was the most stunning woman I’d ever seen. I wanted to learn how to dance like that. I wanted hair and skin like hers. That soft smile she gave to the guys on the tip bar – I wanted to do that.

So it was a surprise when I first heard her in the back room, crying about how ugly she thought she was. And it wasn’t one of those hooks to get other girls to compliment her. She was actually crying. She actually believed she wasn’t pretty.

It’s a lesson I’m grateful to have learned early. After that day, it became much easier to accept my body as it is. I do yoga and eat healthy, but more for how I feel than to fix something I don’t like.

On those days I come across something in the mirror I’d like to change, I remember the beautiful dancer in tears and that image reminds me that the way I’m feeling has nothing to do with how I look. It just means I’m having a bad day and need to do something to cheer myself up.

Pubic Hair.

I’ve done the same thing with mine since I began dancing in strip clubs at eighteen. My sister told me I would need to “clean it up” if I was going to be “showing it on stage.” So when I first went in to get a feel for the clubs, I also looked at what girls did with their hair. When I went home, I copied what I thought looked best: a trimmed, inch wide strip with everything underneath shaved.

Until recently, I haven’t thought about doing anything different. I don’t like the look of completely shaved, and I can’t imagine letting it all go wild. But I’m beginning to wonder what other girls in the industry do these days and whether or not the “landing strip” has gone out of style. (Is pubic hair something that goes in and out of style? I don’t know.)

My first trip to Sheri’s, I had a customer tell me he prefers women with more hair. At the time, I thought it was just him. But since then, I’ve had two more gentlemen mention to me they prefer the same. Then, I saw another lady during a party with a nicely trimmed little bush, and I thought it looked classy and womanly.

We certainly wear more clothes in a brothel than in a strip club. Does more hair also come with the territory? Unlike in full nudity strip clubs, I don’t have easy viewing of a variety of styles.

So, I’m asking you. What do you do? What do you prefer? Razor clean, fuzzy wuzzy, or something in the middle?

Are you a sex addict?

I’ve re-worded this question from the original, which went more like this: “So are you, like, a nympho or somethin’?” Although I didn’t go into detail with the person who asked it, the question is still valid.

Sex addiction is not something I take lightly. I am aware that some of our customers are addicted to sex, fantasy, pornography, masturbation, “love,” or other sexual/intimate acts. Real addiction is, by definition, compulsively doing something that you do not want to do. It is a path of self-destruction, and only the addict can decide if they have a real problem.

If you think this might be describing you, please look into Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) and read their self-diagnosis questionnaires (this one for SAA, or this pdf for SLAA). Please note: I have been informed that Sexaholics Anonymous is a different, strictly religious and judgmental program and is no more valid than Homosexuals Anonymous.

I came to know a few sex addicts when I was still escorting. I have in three cases discontinued seeing clients when I began to feel I was contributing to someone completely ruining their lives. In two of the three cases, heavy drug use was also involved, and I even gave my phone number to one of them and said I’d take him to his first NA meeting as incentive.

As for the ladies who work in this industry, many of us are very sexual people, but to my knowledge I have not encountered any serious sex addicts. I have looked honestly at myself on this issue, and you might be able to guess by now that no, I am in fact, not a sex addict.

Do you have to like sex to work in this industry?

I would say yes. I would say the same about any industry. If you’re a doctor, you should like helping people to heal. If you’re a fisherman, being on a boat should be natural to you. If you’re a sex worker… you should enjoy sex. No?

And it isn’t all about sex all the time. You also have to like people and take an interest in them to really be successful, and you have to be open to connecting with them.

Most of the time I do love what I do, but there are those times when I let the little things get to me. Some days I just don’t feel like working because I have a physical ache or a personal issue, or something else knocks me off track.

Then I have to take a step back and I remember the good stuff. I remember the perfect gentleman I see regularly who always makes me smile with great conversations about our life adventures. Or some of the spicy hot sex I’ve had in the beautiful settings available here at the ranch. Or the amazing encounter with a couple who were celebrating their 20th anniversary and made me a part of their already good thing. Or the virgin I helped to overcome his nervousness about sex and dating.

Then my passion is reignited and I remember why I continually choose this profession.

As for liking sex? Yeah, I like it. I love skin-on-skin contact and sexual energy, and I have honest orgasms during my sessions. I’m comfortable with my body and I love helping others to enjoy theirs.

So is it necessary to like sex? Maybe not. Does it help my overall happiness with my work? Most definitely.

What turns you on?

I need to know more about you to answer this accurately. If you’re tall, balding, well-dressed with a gentle voice, that does it for me. If you’re short, hairy-all-over, high energy and strong, that works for me too. You have a nylon fetish? I love wearing them. You like conversation and taking your time? A gradual ease into sensual touch always works well. Only like quickies? Take me now.

You might think by now that I’m lying, but I’m not. Doing what works for the person I’m with is what turns me on.

Many sex workers are chameleons. We enjoy becoming what is most desired by whoever we’re with, and it usually comes naturally.

Some opponents of the sex industry might frown at this and say we’re losing our individuality by never “being ourselves,” and perhaps that might be the case in some situations.

However, the chameleon changes color because it’s a chameleon, not because it’s trying to be something else. Similarly, I try on different personality traits and work with different kinds of energy because doing so is part of what makes me who I am.

It’s not possible for me to do anything that doesn’t come from somewhere inside me. Having tried and failed, I can say that honestly. I also have a pretty good sense of where I can’t go.

So now, tell me more about you.

What do you mean by the term “open-minded”?

When I use “open-minded” to describe my sexual services, it means I’m generally willing to do things beyond straight sex and blow jobs. I like playing with women and couples, working with disabilities, and giving pointers to the inexperienced. It also means I’m open to special requests like kissing, specific role-play fantasies, anal play, and fetishes.

It does not mean that I’m willing to do without law-required condoms.

I say I’m open-minded to let you know that I’m not going to scrunch my face up and call you a creep for telling me about that thing you’ve been fantasizing about or doing, but too scared to talk with anyone about. Even if it’s something I don’t do, I’m okay with someone else’s kink.

Beyond sexual specifics, being open-minded also means I’m willing to have a conversation with someone, even when I don’t necessarily agree with them on certain topics.

Working in the sex industry, I have personal encounters with a variety of people. Conversations usually cover sex, of course. All kinds of sex and anything even slightly related to sex. But also everything from the mundane and practical to politics and spirituality. I don’t always agree, but I listen anyway. I also find ways to gently express my own opinions when appropriate.

My interactions with people who are different to me give me such a wonderful perspective on life. From the strange fetish request, to the three minute pillow talk, to the two hour dinner conversation, this glimpse into other lives is yet another reason I love doing the work I do.

The back cover of Valérie Tasso’s Insatiable, “The Sexual Adventures of a French Girl in Spain” lies. It reads:

“When Valérie Tasso found herself destitute after an abusive boyfriend ran off with all her money, she began to earn a living in prostitution. As a middle-class French girl, her sophistication and poise held an appeal that Spanish men could not resist. From sex in a graveyard, to unusual acts with coca-cola bottles, Valérie Tasso found this life far more enjoyable than she could ever have hoped.”

The sex in a graveyard scene is a fantasy. The coke bottle thing has to do with the fetish of a guy she’s involved with, but she doesn’t even do it. And both of these scenes take place before she gets involved in sex work.

She illustrates her promiscuity with spicy scenes of unpaid-for sex with random people. Not bad. But then she describes a night of not being able to sleep because she needs sex so badly. First cringe. There are enough people in the world who assume sex workers are sex addicts.

Then the book takes a dark turn. She gets twisted up with a cocaine addict who cons her out of all her savings. She says, “I was looking for affection and to try to recover my self-esteem.” What’s her answer? Join a brothel. Second cringe. Try therapy and a puppy instead.

She shows us that under her fiercely independent shell, she has a deep need for love. Many of us (humans in general – not just sex workers) do. But she then generalizes all the girls: “…deep down we all had the same wish: to find love.” Ask that therapist about the term “projection”.

She goes on to describe her stay in a drama-filled brothel, which lasted only a couple months. I understand that all brothels aren’t as wonderful as Sheri’s. But as an author claiming to give an honest glimpse into the industry, could you maybe mention that not all brothels are full of thievery, paranoia, insanity, and sleaze?

Finally, she falls in love with a client, who saves her from the evil brothel. Kill me now. Wait. Let me live so I can try to counteract the already negative image of prostitutes Tasso has helped to reinforce.